RangTang DingDong
by Homicidal-Genius
Summary: Answer to a challange to put your favorite cartoon character in a Mag7 story. it's AFTAU and I rated it M just to cover my butt.The title is from a song by the Chellos that I heard in a Movie once. and it just seemed to fit the story.
1. Dinner

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em they are owned by people richer than I.

A/N this is an answer to a challenge Take your favorite cartoon character/s and make them human, then include them in a story with our fabulous guys - The Magnificent Seven. Well I have four faves and two don't really fit into any of the universes that have been established (Piglet and Tinkerbell well she'd fit into D&D but here is an ATF with my other two Faves. Also I know NOTHING about wine except that I like yellow tail and the web was no help so I faked it.

Rang-Tang-Ding-Dong

Chapter One: Dinner

Ezra pulled the jag up to the restaurants valet parking. As the valet came over Ezra and his passenger Vin got out of the car Ezra handed the keys to the valet upon retrieving the claim ticket he and Vin approached the man who stood waiting for them.

"Evening Mr. Stryker, Mr. Taylor." The man said "She's waiting inside with her business partner."

"You never said anything about a business partner Mr. Aces." Ezra said as they entered the main lobby of the restaurant.

"Well Mr. J is more like the owner while Quinn's more the face of the operation." Mr. Ace said "People prefer to do business with a pretty face."

"I see." Ezra said as he and Vin followed the man. The team was not prepared for two arms dealers especially if this Mr. J was anything like the woman.

The case had been given to them just over a month ago. An arms dealer by the name of Harley Quinn had caught the eye of the ATF. She was a former F.B.I physiatrist whose birth name was Harleen Quinzel, she'd disappeared six years ago, and after an extensive search she'd turned up five months ago at a bust in San Antonio. The bust went sour and she escaped. Then eight weeks ago she'd turned up again on a surveillance tape from a where house. It was of her selling a buyer guns then turning around and killing him. The ATF was brought in and Ezra worked to get contact with one of Quinn's underling then Vin and himself had worked for nearly two weeks to set up this meeting with, they thought just. Miss. Quinn, but who was this Mr. J?

The three entered the private back dining room. Quinn sat at the table in her ever present red and black this time it was a red and black suit with her blonde hair pulled into high pig-tails held tight with red ribbons.

"Hey'a boys." She said in her cheerful, breathy yet girly voice-like that of a love stuck teeny bopper. "I'd like ya all to meet my puddin' pop Mister. J"

Vin and Ezra turned to see the man in the pale grey suit with the deep purple shirt. He had a long face with a long nose. His pale complexion stood out against his jet black hair that seemed to glow green in the light.

Their stomachs lurched. Mr. J was Jack Napier a.k.a The Joker one of the most ruthless mob bosses in Colorado. He gave Quinn a cold glare, then gave Vin and Ezra the once over.

"My aren't we dapper." He said looking at Ezra. "Helmut Lang?"

"Dolce and Gabbana." Ezra replied

"Please sit." The Joker said, Vin and Ezra did

"My man tells me you're a big time arms dealer from Las Vegas, and that you're looking to move merchandise to a guerilla faction in Bolivia." Joker said Ezra nodded" Why Bolivia"

"They pay very well. The faction from the north pays double my rate and the faction from the south pays triple." Ezra said with a smile

"You play both sides, I like it.' The Joker smiled. "Let's have a drink." He said beckoning the waiter.

"What'll it be boys?" Harley asked "Sex on the beach, Sledgehammer, Long Hard Screw."

"I'll have a glass of Chateau Lafitte Rothschild." Ezra said "actually bring a bottle for the table" the waiter nodded and left. "Always been a favorite of mine."

"Yes it's very nice, thank you" The Joker.

---------

An hour later Vin and Ezra were driving away from the restaurant. Vin pulled out his cell and dialed.

"Hey Chris yes.. oh your gonna' love this. Get JD to pull up everything he can on the Jack Napier… Yea The Joker….We'll be there in ten." Vin hung up and turned to Ezra "meet at the safe house Chris is gonna' put us up in that swanky hotel over on 15th, ya know the one that charges like three hundred dollars a night."

"The Regency?" Ezra

"Yea that's the one." Vin said

"The ATF must want us to look good or else we'd be staying at the motel six." Ezra smiled as he turned onto the street to head to the safe house.

The agents parked and headed inside, the other five men were already waiting. Chris handed Vin and Ezra a folder and the two agents sat down to read them.

"My god." Ezra said reading it

"So what's our plan of action?" Vin


	2. Tricks of the Trade

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em they are owned by people richer than I.

A/N this is an answer to a challenge Take your favorite cartoon character/s and make them human, then include them in a story with our fabulous guys - The Magnificent Seven.

Chapter Two: Tricks of the Trade

A week had past and Ezra and Vin were sitting in the hotel room, still going over all that JD had dug up on Jack Napier. The man was insane. Where ever he went he left a trail of bodies in his wake. Civilian, law enforcement, criminals it didn't matter you got in his way he cut you down. Chris was worried for his men, and Vin and Ezra were anxious about the entire case. Four extra teams were put on stand by for if and when a bust came. There were unmarked police cars outside the hotel and plain clothed police men and agents filling in as various employees inside the hotel. The night mare was real; The Joker was nothing like Harley Quinn, he was worse. Nuttier and probably smarter than any other criminal they had faced and he was certainly more unpredictable.

It was nearly midnight when the phone rang.

"Stryker." Ezra said after picking up the phone. "Yes…Ok…..We'll be there." Ezra hung up and turned to Vin. "Where house off of East 144th Ave just off Washington."

"Isn't that the old Carnival Storage grounds?" Vin asked

"I believe so. The place has been locked down since the company went bankrupt a few years back." Ezra said "I wonder if all the carnival stuff is still there?"

"I hope not, that giant clown that used to greet you at the entrance that thing was freaky man, its eyes followed you." Vin shivered.

"I personally always like the Labyrinth." Ezra "With the right tools you'd never get lost."

"Bread crumbs?" Vin

"Cell phone with GPS." Ezra smiled. Vin smiled and shook his head as he headed to his own room.

------------

Ezra and Vin pulled up to the large where house, they exited the car and headed in. Vin shuddered again as they passed the giant clown head he had always avoided when attending the carnival.

"Guess all the carnival stuff stayed here." Ezra said as they moved further into the where house. As they neared the center they realized it had been set out like a living space. Like a parlor for P.T Barnum and company.

Harley was sitting in an ornate throne atop a small pedestal like stage. Two large dogs…no Vin thought nearing…..Two large hyenas were curled up at her feet. Each came to attention as Ezra and Vin entered the well lit living space.

"Hi'ya Boys." She said not bothering to get up.

"Hello Miss. Quinn, is Mr. J her yet?" Ezra asked as Vin inspected the immediate area. Over stuffed animals, carnival games, what looked like a fully constructed Tilt-A-Whirl sat just in front of a wall that had four small doors in it.

"Oh, my pumpkin cake'll be here soon. He's jsut putting the final touches on….well it's a surprise." She said giggling

"Oh I do love surprises." Ezra replied with a nervous smile.

"We're both so excited to be putting some closure on this whole thing." Harley said gesturing to two chairs that looked like lions. Ezra and Vin looked at each other then headed to the chairs.

"So you are looking to set up a sales agreement." Ezra said as he and Vin sat.

"Well………….."Harley said with a very school girlish giggle.

The paws of the chairs sprang to life and wrapped around the two men pinning them in the chairs. Harley laughed even more.

"See, we don't really deal arms, it's a cover. We like playing with people seeing what makes them tick and then coming up with fun innovative ways to kill them. We were looking for some one to contact to let them know of you imminent death and low and behold but you were also tricking us. Weren't you Mr. Ezra Standish, and Mr. Vin Tanner of ATF's very own team seven." She said coming to stand in front of them. "You poor man." She said standing in front of Ezra. "What kind of a name is Ezra?"

"It's better than Harleen." Ezra replied.

"Quiet you. I'm not done talking. Now I like tricks as much as the next gal, but women don't like being lied to, and neither does my snookums Mr. J. So we cooked up something special for you and you boss a Mr. Larabee will get to play witness. Smile for the cameras boys you're on in five." Harley said with an evil laugh as two men stepped forward with video cameras.

--------

Just outside the five remaining team members were sitting split between two vans listening to the conversation. The lap top in front of JD flickered, and the face of one Jack Napier a.k.a the Joker filled the screen.

"Hello other members of the illustrious team seven. As you've heard by now we have your agents and soon we'll have you. We have a delectable test for you. You survive you live, and let me just say no one has survived."

Outside the Joker's men surrounded to two vans. A count of three was given and the van doors were pulled open.

"Ah Mr. J we've got a problem." The lead henchman said over the radio

--------------

Back In his office the joker stood up form his chair

"What do you mean there was no one inside." He said furiously into the radio.

"_No people just electronic boxes of some sort."_ The henchman's voice said in response

"Then get your asses back inside." The Joker said before violently disconnecting his link to the radio.

So that little twerp JD Dunne with all his computer knowledge had thrown off his tracking program. That could only mean the five agents were in the building.

"Harley dear, time to arm yourself." He called over the intercom before he himself went for his toys.


	3. Round and Round You Go

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em they are owned by people richer than I.

A/N this is an answer to a challenge Take your favorite cartoon character/s and make them human, then include them in a story with our fabulous guys - The Magnificent Seven.

Chapter Three: Round and Round You Go

High upon the roof of the where house the five men moved as one.

"It's a good thing you traced Napier's hacking." Chris said to JD as the team settled in the center near one of the many sky lights. Chris was glad it was dark outside no moonlight meant less chance of being seen. Buck stole a quick peek in the skylight.

"Ez an' Vin are in some sort of prop chairs. Harley is pacing with two menacing looking dogs. The whole place looks like some sort of Fun house."

Chris nodded in taking all the information.

"Ok Buck I need you to take JD and the two of you enter through that skylight over there." Chris said pointing to his left the two men nodded, took their gear and went to get set up. "Josiah, Nathan you enter though those skylight s over there." Chris said pointing right." I'm going in through this one, two minutes boys so move it."

-------

Below Harley paced gun in hand.

"Your Mr. L thought he could outsmart my huggiekins but uhun, ohno, my pookie is the smartest man I know, and I've known a lot of men. You agents are making a big mistake toying with him because he is also the craziest and deadliest man around. Dalmer, Manson, Jack the Ripper. HA! Morons, amateurs, and wannabees." Harley sighed. "My Mr. J, my Snugglebutt, he's"

There was a loud crash and Harley squealed in shock as a man in black repelled down from the roof.

"Ah, heh heh, Howdy Mr. Larabee." Harley said she heard gun fire in another room "Gotta go." She said turning and running her hyenas following her

Chris turned his attention to his two agents.

"You can go after her. We are unharmed." Ezra said

"We've got back up in the other rooms and you guys are not alright, have you looked up lately." Chris asked as he unfastened Ezra who looked up to see two swords dangling above them on a fine wire.

"Ah the Sword of Damocles was hanging above my head." Ezra said as Vin stood.

"That could have been the start of a very big downer." Vin said

"Which way did you two come in?" Chris asked

"Ah this way I think. "Vin said. Suddenly every way looked the same.

The men took off in the direction Vin indicated and went trough the door into the next room. JD and Buck were already in there and were sitting on the floor; Nathan and Josiah were also there.

"Chris don't let." JD started as the door shut behind Ezra "The door shut." JD finished as it clicked locking them in the round room that was lit in an eerie red and purple.

"How'd you get in here?" Vin asked

"Same way you did through that door." JD said.

"But you weren't in the room with us how can it be the same" Chris was cut off as the room moaned and creaked then started to rotate.

"No way." Ezra said. The others looked at him "What I am completely flabbergasted at this circular mechanical revolving room."

"JD you ok?" Chris asked as he neared the younger agent.

"Fine Chris I just landed funny on the repel leg's kind of sore that's all."

"I think he just sprained his knee, it seems to be swelling up." Nathan said "Best I can tell in this light.

"And you Buck?" Chris asked

"I'm fine just keeping the kid company."

"Nathan, Josiah?" Chris

"We're fine." Josiah

Vin studied the door, he pulled out his keys and use the small flashlight to study the lock. He drew his gun as the room slowed.

"I think I can shoot out the lock, take cover behind some of that gear." He said the others nodded and id the best they could. And Vin pulled the trigger.

The bullet ricochet off the lock, Vin dove to the ground as the bullet bounced off the walls. It then stopped without a sound save for a sharp intake of breath.

"Well Mr. Tanner it seemed like a good idea." Ezra said trying to keep the pain out of his voice.

"Ez." Vin said standing. The undercover agent was standing against the wall holding onto his right hip.

"Aw Ezra, aw hell I'm so sorry."

"It is ok Mr. Tanner. I was going to try the same thing you just beat me to it. I believe it just lodged in my hip. It's not your fault it's that infernal Jack Napier." Ezra said and Chris and Vin helped him down to a sitting position as Nathan came to take a look.

"Yep looks like it's lodged in there." Nathan said using Vin flashlight.

"Chris are you in there" A voice said over the intercom

"Kristina is that you?" Chris asked

"Yes it's me" the leader of team five replied "We've rounded up the Jokers men and those hyenas but team three is still on the hunt for Napier and Quinzel. We found the intercom system and the camera set up in what looks like an office but we can't open the doors. There seems to be a control somewhere else."

"_That you better find soon or else you'll be collecting the bodies of your fellow agents." _The Joker said over the intercom

The room started to turn in the opposite direction at first it was the slow speed from before then it slowly picked up speed. The lights flashed on and off in a sequence of distortion. Josiah who was the last one standing was thrown to the ground as the g-force picked up. Nathan tried to get to him but was finding it extremely difficult to move. Buck shut his eyes as his brain pushed against his skull.

Chris, who had been kneeling, fought to push himself to a semi-standing hunched over position.

The Joker and Harley Quinn's maniacal laughs echoed through the seven's ears mingling with the calls of Kristina Mathers trying to get her agents to stop it.

Suddenly with out warning. Like a bird hitting a window the spinning stopped. Chris was thrown against the wall.

"Ah Fuck." Chris said from his new place on the floor.

Nathan slowly crawled over to Josiah as the other welcomed the headaches.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Vin said sitting now with his knees pulled up against his chest and his head resting on them.

"Are you alright Mr. Larabee?" Ezra asked

"I think I busted my arm, I landed on it funny." Chris said holding his left arm against himself.

"Chris we're going to get you and your team out of there." Kristina said

"_Oh you think so do you." _The Joker joined in_ "Tell me Team Seven. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"_

"What?" Chris

"_Oh I ask that of all my prey I just like the sound of it" The_ Joker said as the roof creaked and stared to move.

"_What sound do you get when you squash seven ATF agents at once? I don't know but we'll soon find out." _Harley said with another giggle

"_And as I always say. When you got to go." _The Joker said as tiny jets of purple and green gas started to fill the room_. "Go with a smile."_

The room was then filled with carnival music.

The tallest of the seven was 6'5" the room was at least ten feet tall and at the rate of decention it wouldn't be long till they were all pancaked.

"It smells like cotton candy." JD said

"And candy apples" Ezra

---------

Down the hall about twenty feet, agents from teams five and six worked feverishly at the controls of the room. Napier and Quinzel lay bleeding and cuffed on the floor, despite the wounds they still continued to laugh.

"You'll never get them in time." Napier

"Is that so" Kristina said with a smile "Then why have we stopped the ceiling"

"Well it'll still be too late." Napier

"We got em' Tina" A voice said over the radio

"What???!!!!" The two criminals said

"How are they?" Kristina asked

"They're laughing." The voice said

"Nitrous Oxide." Kristina said "Get them some medical attention and get them to the hospital we'll wrap up here with the clowns."

Kristina turned to the Joker and Harley Quinn

"Agent Dunne may be the best hacker in the ATF but he gave my Agent Dora a few lessons." Kristina said as the clowns were led out.

Kristina made her way to the front entrance, the place they had finally stopped the room.

Ezra was on a stretcher giggling away even the usually crusty Chris Larabee was in a full belly laugh when Kristina entered.

"Oh, Man who shot my paw. Oh JD that's still the worst joke I've ever heard but I just can't help laughing." He said as the paramedic splinted his wrist.

"I….know…..that…joke….would…..go…o…ver…well…at…a…time..like……this." JD said as an EMT helped him into an ambulance.

"Hi…Tina." Vin giggled.

"Glad to see you all alive and relatively unharmed." Kristina said

"Yea..We're good." Buck said "The laughing is subsiding."

"And Ezra?"

"Just peachy." Buck said "his worst complaint is that this was the first time he wore those pants."

"See you all later." Kristina said "We're going to get this place cleaned up."

"Thanks Tina" Chris said as the rest of the team got in with the injured to travel to the hospital.

--------

The seven sat in the den at Chris's ranch

Ezra in one lazy boy hip all patched up. JD was in the other his dislocated knee in an immobilizer. Chris's arm was casted from pit to palm in black. And Josiah had five stitches in the back of his head.

So the bust went a bit off but Napier and Quinzel were in prison.

"It's getting late pard." Vin said standing." I'm going to check on the horses then head to bed"

"Sounds like a plan Mr. Tanner, minus the checking on the horses I think I shall head to bed" Ezra said easing himself to a standing position with the help of Vin. "I thank you Mr. Larabee for the use of your spare room."

"No problem Ez" Chris asides Ezra made his was to the room.

Ezra would be in the spare room. JD in Chris's room with Buck on the floor. Vin had the floor in the spare room. Josiah had the couch in the Den and Chris and Nathan the den floor.

Vin was also optioning staying out front on the porch to get some fresh air. Although he wouldn't admit it his claustrophobia was near critical in the circular room.

The men in the house settled down for the night knowing that Vin would take his time with the horses and in all likelihood stay outside.

Most were out the second their heads touched their pillows, others like Josiah and Nathan drifted off while watching TV.

Out side Vin fed the horses, they were all a little restless but soon calmed down for the night.

Vin started back to the house. He heard the twig snap behind him. he turned to see the woman standing there. Her blonde hair shining in the moonlight.

"Hi'ya puddin'" she said before Vin felt his world spin and everything go to black.


End file.
